Kitsch & Giggles

Nothing is Wrong

2010-05-01T07:10:00.002-05:00

I just don't have anything to say right now.

Project Declutter

2010-01-01T12:11:00.001-06:00

To begin, I will not attempt to plan the whole year at once. I will focus on one month at a time, with the plans being made on the first of each month. Here is the plan for de-cluttering my home, my health, my spirituality and my sanity for January.

Kitchen, one drawer and one cabinet at a time, starting today, January 1, 2010.
An ideal time to do this would be with my iPod in my ears, and lots of wine in my system, so the task will not overwhelm me so much.

I will spend time every morning with a quick chakra balance and a thank you to the Universe. I will observe the sabbats and esbats, even if only with a quick acknowledging prayer of just saying “Hi.”. I will consciously calm myself and keep a “just float downstream” attitude and not let myself get worked up about things over which I have no control. Spells, certain jewelry, colors and stones are positive focuses to aid me in this.

I will walk a minimum of 10 miles per week.

I will decrease the junk food and increase the raw vegetables, fruits, whole grains.

I will start now.

Getting our shit together in 2010

2009-12-27T07:29:00.004-06:00

We have been married 16 years and have lived at Nestlewood for nearly 12 of those. Throw two kids and two careers in to the mix, and we have accumulated a heap of junk. Not all of this junk is physical clutter that can be thrown away or recycled. Some of the junk is mental and spiritual and financial.

Chris and I have decided to get rid of all the clutter in 2010.

To begin, we are de-cluttering our personal bad habits. I was exemplary with my eating and exercise habits from January to early November this year, then I fell off the wagon completely. The Doritos and Velveeta sneaked their way back in, and my couch relearned the shape of my ass while my walking shoes grew mold. Quoth the raven, Nevermore!

Spiritually, I have neglected my peaceful meditation and study. I am out of whack when this is the case, so, in 2010, this will no longer be the case.

Financially, we make more money now than we ever have in all the time we have been together, as we are both fully employed in "real jobs" but are in no better financial shape because of our poor money management. That is not going to be how we roll in 2010.

As for the physical clutter, we are going to take Nestlewood room by room and go through every cabinet, drawer and corner and get rid of the unnecessary. The weeds will be gone from the landscaping, the shed will be cleaned out and the garden will be an herb filled oasis once again.

The specific plans are made, and it shall be done. Oh yes. It shall be done.

Myn Lykings

2009-12-18T20:48:00.004-06:00

You have to understand, I have been a chorister for so long that it is part of the definition of she who is me. Myn Lyking is a centuries old song about how the Mother Mary felt about her Sweete Sonne (pardon the Olde English spelling, but, as I said, choir nerd for lo, these many years...)

Plus, Pagan though I am, the BVM (Blessed Virgin Mary)is dear to me. Not because of her virginity, but for her motherhood.

Hence, this song has long been a lullaby to myn own Lykings. Hence, the YouTube link and the pictures of my dear ones and Sweetings.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=APgtbPS1smc

Behold, the charming and tranquil village. Little do the inhabitants realize, a 9 year old boy has placed snipers in their midst.

2009-12-05T01:40:00.000-06:00

Salem, at last!

2009-11-21T17:30:00.008-06:00

I traveled 1000 miles to the Northeast and spent my 37th birthday in Salem, MA. I have wanted to go to Salem ever since I saw the Bewitched episode when Samantha, Dum Dum, and Endora went; that bed warmer that followed Samantha because it was really a warlock under a spell -cast by Serena of course, really stuck in my head.

The desire was cemented when Hocus Pocus came out in 1993. I just knew Salem would seem to be tailor made for little ol' me, if I could ever just get there! In my fertile imagination, I have made up alternative identities for myself in which I live in Salem, have a shop selling my magickal crafty wares and live above the shop. I have decorated the shop and my loft above it in my head many many times. I actually found the EXACT place I had been imagining while I was there. It carried a different name than the one in my head, but there it was!

It was very important to me to take this trip all by myself. I just wanted to be ME for those 5 days. Yes, I talked and texted those I love, but my time was my own. I slept when I wanted, ate when and what I wanted, strolled where I wanted and sat on park benches in the Salem Common listening to my iPod and stitching on a Celtic Knot when I wanted. It was absolute bliss.

In Sickness and in Health, but I much prefer health

2009-11-16T01:29:00.002-06:00

Chris called me from work tonight to tell me his blood pressure was 200/119!!!!! Fortunately, he works at a hospital and they have been monitoring him and giving meds. His boss came in to work for him, so he has been on a cot most of the night. It's down to 170/95 now, which is better, but still nothing to sing about.

I'd noticed he had been acting a little off (headache etc..) but didn't really think anything about it. Damn.

Blessings

2009-10-31T16:00:00.000-05:00

This has been the most beautiful October in my recent memory. The temperatures have been really mild with only a couple of hot days, and the leaves have been more vibrant than I have seen in years, probably because of all the rain we've had. Most people around here have been miserable because of this sogginess. I am not one to complain about the rain; I love and praise it.

I work in a beautiful quaint North Alabama town with gigantic old houses, huge trees and Autumn street festivals in the antebellum courthouse square. I love to take walks when I am on my breaks. It's wonderful to get away from my little cubicle and go and stretch my legs in the fresh cool air. On my walks today I swear there were recently carved jack o lanterns on nearly every porch! There were carpets of bright yellow leaves to swish through with plenty left in the canopies over my head.

My most poignant form of worship is to just say "Thank You" and mean it to the depths of my soul. I had "church" on the sidewalks of this little town today. This gratitude invariably spills out of my eyes in the form of tears and out of my solar plexus in the form of exuberant laughter.

Blessed Samhain

2009-10-31T03:48:00.002-05:00

Another from Work Toni to Home Toni

2009-10-06T20:07:00.004-05:00

Dear Home Toni,
I did very well at lunch today dutifully ignoring the red velvet cake and deep fried chicken fingers available, instead choosing corn on the cob (with no butter) carrots, mashed potatoes, and white beans, with skim milk and a multivitamin to wash it all down I even took a lunch break 3/4 mile stroll!

I'm thinking since we managed to walk 17 miles last week and felt fabulous, we should do 20 miles this week. This is certainly attainable, since the mornings and evenings are cool.

Now, we have to come to Jesus. Lay off the chips. This is non negotiable. You can exercise like a demon and still not be healthy if you gorge on Doritos 3 or 4 times per week. Switch to Baked Scoops with salsa for your fix. You can even eat them for supper.

PS, please order the kids' Halloween costumes so that they will come in the mail on time.

Work Toni's quick message to Home Toni

2009-09-09T20:24:00.001-05:00

Dear Home Toni,

By the time you read this I will have righteously walked 2 miles, worked abs, arms, and inner and outer thighs.

Please make a note that I need contact solution here at work. I also need some healthy snacks and some milk to keep me away from the vending machines. Q tips would be nice as well.

Sincerely,
Work Toni

Wedding Entrance Dance

2009-09-07T16:09:00.001-05:00

I bawl my eyes out every single time I watch this. What celebration and joy!

Ella-Wink

2009-08-22T19:37:00.002-05:00

This is our 7 week old girl. Her name is Ella and her eyeball ruptured. The only thing the vet could do to save her life was to remove her eye. See her little purple stitches? The vet bill was $584, which brought our checking account down to a grand total of $150 to last until the next pay day, but we think she is worth it.

Just Call Me Sybil

2009-08-15T20:00:00.004-05:00

Work Toni (Toni is my real name in case you didn't know that) and Home Toni are one person, but also two distinct people.

Work Toni is pimped out. She dresses like all eyes are on her. She has 'da make-up and she has 'da jewelry. She has 'da good clothes. She is professional and earns the hospital hundreds of thousands of dollars per year with her accurate coding.

Home Toni is always in her jammies. She never wears makeup and her hair is twisted up and out of her way. The only jewelry Home Toni ever wears is her wedding ring.

Work Toni (from her work email) sends Home Toni (to her home email) personal trainer messages. Here is the most recent:

Dear Home Toni,

You know that I dearly love you. But you have really sucked ass through a straw with your exercise this week. You have to walk 8 miles by Sunday night. You also have to use free weights to work your arms.

Here’s what you can do: Free weights on Friday night, two miles on Saturday morning and two miles on Saturday evening. This must be repeated on Sunday. Please be aware that this is non negotiable.

Sincerely,
Work Toni

Home Toni is Work Toni's bitch.

I am feeling motivated and am going to share the love

2009-08-04T17:32:00.006-05:00

I know this sounds all kinds of Fergalicious, but I feel a deep seated need to be hot.
I am fighting the physical effects of time tooth and nail, all the while embracing the wisdom it brings me. In other words, I want the wisdom of the Crone, but want to look like the Maiden, when what I am is the Mother.

Cameron and Drew are both single ladies who have been (and are going through) some icky stuff. Naturally, they are both waif thin and tanned and blond while I am none of those things. Now, I love who I am. I love me. But my attention to my physical self has waned the last few years because of my internal struggle to discover this new identity of working mom.

Since the first of the year, my eating habits have been almost saintly. Lean meats, whole grains, raw fruits and vegetables make up my diet and my body is much the better for it. My sweets intake has become almost nonexistent (if only I could say the same for the elixir of the fermented grape). I would love to lose 15 more pounds, so I am bumping up my exercise.

I am going to walk 10 miles per week, come what may, world without end, so mote it be. I will make the weight circuit at the gym EVERY Wednesday.

It shall be done. Oh yes.

Happy 38th Anniversary to my parents!

2009-07-28T05:57:00.001-05:00

I Know, I Know...

2009-07-23T21:08:00.001-05:00

I just don't have time right now. Bear with me.

DC Rocked!

2009-07-11T14:39:00.021-05:00

It was so wonderful to see all of this with my very own eyes! Click on the photos to embiggen them.

The Library of Congress

The Capitol

My parents and Lina and Huck on the steps of the National Archives on the 4th of July

My Man President Obama's current home

The view from the front porch of Mt. Vernon, George Washington's home in Virginia

Huck with the Washington Monument behind him as we were about to go into the Lincoln Memorial

I hit 3 Smithsonian Museums as well (American History- I never wanted to leave that one, Smithsonian Art Museum and the Natural History Museum), along with the National Portrait Gallery. We went to the National Archives, and Chris took the kids to the Aquarium after they saw the Declaration of Independence, Bill of Rights and Contitution (All original! Wow!) so that I could spend a couple of hours there alone with my thoughts in that holy place. And look what was waiting for us when we got home-Baby Titter Tats!

Stuff and Fluff

2009-07-01T17:58:00.002-05:00

I love my job! I'm still learning the ropes, but feel I will have it all down in a couple of weeks. Today I did 8 outpatient surgery and 15 Inpatient charts. That's quite an improvement over my first day's grand total of 2! My codes aren't as perfect as I would like for them to be, but since 80% of what I encounter in these charts is new material for me, I just need to cut myself a little slack. Sure I know how to code. But do I know how to get to a lithotripsy code when the doctor doesn't actually call the procedure lithotripsy, even though that's what it is? Well, yes, I do now. But I didn't when I first read through the chart. Sometimes I think my brain is going to leak right out of my ears, overflowing with all this new information.

I have solved my sedentary problem. It only costs me $20 per month, deducted from my check as the facility is affiliated with the hospital where I work. Everything a body could want in a gym is right across the road from my little cubicle.

We leave for Washington D.C. on the 3rd and will be back on the 10th. DC is going to rock on the 4th of July!

Don't you wish you were me?

2009-06-27T12:53:00.003-05:00

Blueberries! Chris, Lina and Huck picked these yesterday morning and they are all kinds of yummy.

A Pimped Out Piece of Toast

2009-06-21T05:43:00.001-05:00

A pimped out piece of toast is what I have for breakfast and supper. Whole wheat toast, mustard, light laughing cow cheese, smoked turkey, fresh basil, tomato, a sprinkle of Parmesan and crushed red pepper. I am trying to lose the puff that I gained the last year or so. I'll be honest; I have been hungry since January, and I don't see any difference in the mirror. The scales tell me that I have lost nearly 20 pounds since then, but my eyes don't see it.

On one hand, I don't want to lose more because I have such rockin' boobs. On the other, I want to again be a mere wisp of a woman.

I don't think I would have a problem with my weight if I knew I was doing everything I could to be healthy. The thing is, I eat right, but don't exercise, and I sit on my ass 40-50 hours per week at my job. Bone density, muscle mass, target heart rate and all that...

But the heat index today was 110! The humidity is 89%!!! The last thing I want to do is make myself sweat even more!

Little Update

2009-06-13T11:19:00.003-05:00

Next week is my last working both jobs, thanks be. I just got home from town and I plan to stay in my jammies in my air conditioned house until Monday morning. I am not a "go outside and do stuff" kind of gal this time of year. It's just too stinkin' hot.

I have to brag on Chris. I was terribly afraid that by picking up a full time job, it would just be an addition to the full time job I already had (that of being a wife, mom and she-who-takes-care-of-everything) but it has not been so. If the kitchen is dirty, Chris cleans it. If the laundry is piling up, he does it. If I sleep in on a Saturday morning and he is here, he cooks the biscuits and bacon and eggs for Lina and Huck. He even took 4 kids an hour and a half down the road for a day at the zoo. Of course, when he got home he threw them out in the yard with juice boxes and snacks and poured himself a Big Gulp of chardonnay...

Lina and Huck have really stepped up to the plate as well. I've added more chores to their list and they are only bucking a little. I was afraid they would miss out hanging with their friends this summer since I wasn't here to be the neighborhood mom. Turns out, there is always someone willing to do that. They stay home with Chris sometimes, with my parents sometimes and with friends sometimes. Then on weekends, when I am home, their friends come here.

All this and money in the bank to boot!

I'm feeling all pervy again

2009-06-06T12:28:00.001-05:00

I heart Jacob Black!

An Exclamation Point Filled Post!

2009-06-03T18:12:00.001-05:00

Job 2 (the PRN) offered me a full time position today! Yay! I put in my notice for job 1 and will now be working normal hours (M-F 8-4:30) doing Inpatient and Outpatient Coding. Eeee! I have been working PRN at job 2 since November and have been hoping for this very offer!

I hope I keep this job until my children finish high school. I'm ready to get comfortable and settled already!

Who the hell are Jon and Kate and why should I care?

2009-05-31T18:41:00.003-05:00

My contact with mainstream society is limited. I don't watch the news and I don't read the newspaper. I have never in my life watched a single episode of any sort of "reality" TV.

I saw pictures on my internet homepage of this gal with a strange haircut and how someone named Jon had done her wrong and that the world as we know it would soon end. I saw this same strange haircut on the cover of trash mags in the grocery store line, so I began to wonder if this was information I needed. I googled "who are Jon and Kate?".

Am I any richer for having that answer? Only in the sense that I see how far removed I am from the rubbish that passes for entertainment.

On Judging a book by it's cover

2009-05-28T05:20:00.001-05:00

The head of security at Job 1 Hospital had to let me in my department the other day, as it was after hours. Remember that I have a tattoo on the back of my neck? I had my hair in a low ponytail, but she caught a glimpse of my ink. She asked me about it, so I lifted up my hair and let her see the whole thing. She said "Don't take this the wrong way, but you don't look like a person who would have spent time in a tattoo parlor. You look like a sweet little conservative who dresses just so and fits in with everybody else."

I replied with a low chuckle and a sly smile.

Balance and Expectations

2009-05-24T21:01:00.003-05:00

I am surprising myself by my response to this new life I have. This new life being one of working 110 hours the last two weeks, plus pouring what ended up to be 140 candles, plus all the mama stuff that must be done.

I'm not being a freaked out spaz (for the most part anyway-though I do, of course, have my moments) as I thought I would be. Why? Well, it's all about my expectations. I no longer expect to have free time to hang out at Nestlewood and do whatever I want to do. I know that simple life is no more, and I don't expect it. I expect to get the kids where they need to be for the day, put in 8 or 10 hours at a hospital, pick up the kids, get home and fix them supper and then spend a few hours hanging out with myself (or Chris, if he happens to be here, which isn't often as he is working all the time as well-Washington DC trip to pay for and all that) I don't expect long hours of uninterrupted time for myself. What I am doing is finding my balance as I can find it.

For example, when I wake up in the mornings, before I even let my muscles begin to stir, I go over my dreams of the night and try to see what they are telling me. Then I do a quick chakra balance, say thank you to the Universe and get up and start the day. While I am at work I keep my iPod in my ears to enjoy books or music while I do my job. Since I sit all day at work, I am not physically tired when I come home, (only mentally) so I don't feel the need to sit. I'll happily cook supper, clean the kitchen, pour candles etc... because it keeps me off my bootie. The housekeeping tasks fulfill my nesting side so aren't hardships at all. This week I plan to begin the journey of getting caught up with my scrapbooking, since I haven't done anything in it since early 2005, when I started back to college. I am not looking at this as a task, but as a creative outlet and reminder to cherish the day in and day out with my great kids and husband.

I indulge myself at job 1 with audiobooks. No deep literary thoughts for me there as I listen to fiction books I have already read, so it's like a visit with old friends. Nora Roberts, Stephen King, JD Robb and Jan Karon are my favorites while I plow through the ER charts. Job 2 requires more of my concentration than job 1, so I have endless cool iPod playlists coursing through my earbuds.

It's all about my expectations. I could expect to have a certain lifestyle and then get crazy because that's not what I have. Or I can expect to go through each day doing what needs to be done, finding pleasure and balance and joy, with a grateful heart.

More on candlemaking with an aside about recycling

2009-05-17T11:41:00.005-05:00

One of the great things about doing these candle fundraisers is that it's quite a simple matter to pour up a few extras for myself. I order smooth sided jelly jars with pewter lids for the candles that I sell, but pour the ones for my own use into salsa jars, spaghetti sauce jars, pickle jars, etc... because I don't like to throw away glass after just one use, and there is no local place to recycle glass (at least not in my county that I know of). I have several pretty candle jars that I fill as gifts, and most of the recipients give the jars back to me after they have burned the candle so that I can reuse the jar.

This weekend I have made 106 candles, with about a dozen to keep for myself. I generally do 12 fragrances when I do fundraisers. This time the choices were Blueberry Pie, ButterCream, Clean Cotton, Apple Cinnamon, Cucumber Melon, Lemon Verbena, Pumpkin Crunch Cake, Honeysuckle, Monkey Farts (it smells like bananas, grapefuit, bubble gum, kiwi and strawberry and is hands down ALWAYS my best seller), Amish Harvest, Very Berry and Warm Vanilla Sugar.

Here are a couple of helpful links, if anyone out there makes candles (Jaspenelle) or is interesting in making candles. I learned this skill online and through library books and it has earned me lots of money and makes my house smell fantabulicious. Plus, I always have a gift on hand or a donation for a charity raffle.

Alabaster Fragrance and Color has the best wax, container and fragrance oil prices.

Nature's Garden has fantastic oils at great prices. Most of my favorite fragrances come from them.

Chandling (Is this even a word?)

2009-05-14T19:07:00.009-05:00

I'm doing another candle fundraiser just now, this one for my very own Thumbelina. She has been nominated to represent her elementary school at the National Young Leaders Conference in Washington DC. While this is a huge honor, it is also hugely expensive. Her tuition is almost $2000. Hence, the fundraiser. It's quite convenient for Lina that she has access to her own personal fundraising company. Normally, these candles sell for $12 each and I keep $6 and the child keeps $6. They cost me about $3 or so to make, so my profit is $3 per candle. This doesn't sound like much, but it adds up. For this fundraiser, the child, since she is my very own, keeps $9 of each candle; all I kept out was the money to purchase my supplies. All together we sold about 130 candles, which puts a nice chunk towards her tuition.

Naturally, we are not about to put our 11 year old on a plane by herself and hope for the best; we are going to make this our family vacation this year so Chris, Huck and I are going as well. This expense has to come from our own shallow pockets, though, so Chris and I are both working overtime. And, of course I have to make 130 candles...

Cheap Thrills

2009-05-11T20:58:00.003-05:00

How much does this phallic pencil holder rock? I was scrambling around in the supply closet at work looking for some thumb tacks and found this gem. I haven't seen one of these in years! Naturally, I had to claim it for my very own.

Quite a day for Mothers

2009-05-10T06:18:00.000-05:00

Thumbelina made this for me. Note that she did it in autumn colors, as they make me the happiest :-)

My own mother is in the hospital. She had knee replacement surgery on Thursday and was discovered to have an MRSA infection that had to be treated with two rounds of IV Vancomycin. She is running a low fever of 100.2 or so, and I am really trying not to worry. I've talked to her several times and she sounds fine, but I know that she tends to put up a strong front. If she says her pain is a 4 on a pain scale of 1-10, in reality she is at an 8 or so.

I have worked nearly 50 hours this week, and today is my first day off since last Sunday. So, this morning I am going to hang with her at the hospital and see for myself how she is doing. I am going to completely annoy the nurses by asking specific questions like "what was her white count when the infection was first discovered and what is it now?" etc...

I am also going to take her some contraband. She loves Chris' cooking, and he grilled some tenderloin and yellow peppers, zucchini and purple onion last night for supper. He made some garlic and cheddar mashed potatoes to go with it, and since she isn't on any special diet, I am going to sneak a plate to her to give her a break from hospital food.

The View from the Front Porch of Nestlewood

2009-05-03T19:48:00.004-05:00

I took this picture around 5 pm.

I love rain.

Gumball Machine

2009-04-29T04:37:00.002-05:00

When my mom was a little girl, her Daddy often ran Wavaho gas stations. Go Go Go with Wavaho! This gumball machine was in one of those gas stations, and somehow, Mama managed to hang onto it all this time. She gave it to me when the kids were teeny because they loved it so much and wanted to bring it home. It's made of 1/4" thick glass and metal with the words: Northwestern Morris Ill. etched into the back of the glass. It still works, and when I take the top off to refill the candy I have to use the biggest and meanest screwdriver I can find, since most of the tread of the foot long screw holding on the lid has been chipped away.

This machine takes only pennies. Isn't that great? We keep a little change holder by the machine for all of our spare pennies. Absolutely every child (and most adults) that come through our door head straight for those pennies to get a handful of whatever happens to be in the machine at the time. Right now it's jellybeans, but it has been filled with everything from M&Ms, Skittles, Runts, Red Hots, Mike and Ike, and candy corn.

Proof that Huck is indeed my son; such flowery language!

2009-04-27T20:56:00.000-05:00

Last night I told him that he needed to get in the shower before bed. He said "No. I'll take a bath and wallow in my own filth."

Thumbelina Understands

2009-04-27T05:21:00.001-05:00

I was all PMS grouchy this morning. Lina said "Do you need to kick a puppy? Would that help?"

Soapbox Warning

2009-04-23T09:00:00.000-05:00

Styrofoam should be outlawed.

100 years from now, that Styrofoam cup you used for 15 minutes will still be in a landfill.

I'm just sayin'.

Chanti-dazzled

2009-04-21T18:06:00.003-05:00

Sweet Bruhver is a soprano in a Grammy award winning ensemble. You have to understand, this group has been The Pinnacle of Perfections to me and to Chris long before Sweet Bruhver joined it. We had been to three of their concerts and had every CD they ever recorded.

They did a concert in our area Sunday night. Not only did we get to see Sweet Bruhver sing with them while they rocked our world, we got to go to an intimate reception with the group afterward. After that, Chris and I went to their hotel to hang with them until the wee small hours of the morning.

It was surreal.

I dream about my Granny and her house all the time

2009-04-16T17:15:00.003-05:00

My Granny was my world when I was little. My mama and my daddy were my security, but Granny was...something else. She was my giggle, and I don't know that anyone else ever saw that part of her. She was ignorant, yet wise; nothing special to look at, but completely beautiful. She was soft enough to drink her coffee with Sweet and Low and drink "Doc" (Diet Dr. Pepper, because she was diabetic) and hard enough to fix cars with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth, and build pens for her goats. Hard enough to figure out what was wrong with her tiller when it was time to plant the garden and the tiller wouldn't crank. She was mean enough to say ugly things to her daughters, who did everything right, and weak enough to bail her sons out of jail. She was strong enough to face her sons and talk them down when they were drunk enough to come after her with a machete (I witnessed this) and weak enough to resent her daughters when everything seemed to be going well with them.

The first 8 years of my life were spent in a little green house at 508 Sloss Street in Hartselle, Alabama. I'm not sure the exact year that Granny and Mama and Aunt Marty moved into that house, but I know that Mama and Aunt Marty lived there while they were in High School. Once Mama and Daddy got married, they bought granny a trailer to put on a lot just down the briar covered hill. Once I was born, there was a trail worn by my feet between the little green house and Granny's trailer. This was just in front of Shit Creek, which is what my ever eloquent Granny called that body of water that was just in front of the train tracks in the woods.

I dream about her and/or that house about once a month. Sometimes she's there and happy to see me. Sometimes she's sick and doesn't know who I am, but appreciates my company. Sometimes she is just watching soap operas and smoking cigarettes. Sometimes she is frying eggs and sometimes she is dancing.

She danced with me all the time when I was little. She would put on a Statler Brothers or Freddy Fender or Loretta Lynn album and sing along while she did a little finger snap and foot shuffle. I don't know that anyone but I ever saw her dance.

Language and Accents

2009-04-14T16:18:00.001-05:00

I've a good head for grammar. I read it and write it well, and speak it well most of the time. I have noticed, however, that I often go all Ellie Mae Clampett.

For example, the other day at my PRN job, I was asked about my new part time job and if I minded not working full time. I said "I don't want no damn full time job! I want to sit my ass at the house all I can and work just enough to shut Chris up!"

Another time today, I was asked about the pizza that can be found at a local gas station (yes, a gas station) and I answered "I'll tell you what. They will flat give you $30 of pizza for your $20; that's how good it is."

I may be married to the Easter Beagle

2009-04-12T11:27:00.020-05:00

Spring is Chris' favorite time of year and he loves to spread the joy. He stopped on his way home from work and cut the wisteria for me. I woke up to the bouquet, wine and stuffed bunny a few days ago, and he and the kids colored 5 dozen eggs last night.

He gets positively giggly and giddy when dogwoods bloom and he can be surrounded by fresh new green leaves on trees. He stretches out on the porch swing and reads when he has a day off, and is hard pressed to come inside for any reason.

I, on the other hand, am Linus, waiting for the Great Pumpkin. To me, April is the cruelest month, because the warming begins. I rejoice in the turning of the wheel of the year, and I know that I will enjoy the fresh herbs and tomatoes in the next few months. Of course, I marvel at the beauty around me, but blue skies and sunshine make me melancholy. Already I am yearning for the gray skies of Autumn, jack o'lanterns on front porches and orange leaves swirling in a brisk breeze.

Is it Choke me in the shallow water before I get too deep?

2009-04-11T08:16:00.000-05:00

Or is it Chuck me in the shallow water before I get too deep?

Working Girl

2009-04-08T20:17:00.007-05:00

I work 2 days at job 1 this week and 3 days at job 2. This morning, in the midst of working on 2 1/2 days worth of ER charts, I happened to glance up and this is what I saw. Says a lot about me, don't you think? This is what is on my desk beside my charts: a compact and a lipstick (Mary Kay because there is simply no other kind), a teeny glass jar with my myriad vitamin supplements, Coke Zero, because it completely rocks my world, a cup with lipstick on the straw, into which the Coke Zero is poured, and my iPod, which was on "Shuffle Songs" and at that moment gave me Phil Coulter, but gave me Nirvana next in the line-up.

I will blog again, I promise

2009-04-04T13:55:00.001-05:00

I am just so slammed.

I'm still reading all of your blogs, so please be patient with me :-)

Oh No!

2009-03-27T20:25:00.004-05:00

I accidentally deleted all of the addresses to the blogs I love to read. Please send me your blogdresses. Comment or email me at nimbus 1108 at yahoo dot com.

Spring Break

2009-03-20T16:25:00.006-05:00

I just spent 2 hours with half an eye on a bright orange bobble floating in a pond, attached to a hook and a worm, waiting on it to move. The other half of my eye was watching Huck while he fished.

My Huckleberry loves to fish and does it every day after school. He usually goes with a buddy (it's at a pond just across the field from our house) but today he asked me if I would go with him, so I did.

I enjoyed watching him with his rod and reel, wearing his ratty jeans, muddy boots and black t-shirt with the sleeves cut off that said "If you think I'm scary, you should see my sister".

It's spring break in our school system and it has been thoroughly enjoyed by Lina and Huck. They stayed with their best friends while I worked, and when I was home, their best fiends came here. They have roamed the woods, ridden horses through the local national forest, caught fish, shot BB guns at targets, listened to Harry Potter on CD and had nightly sleepovers. Good stuff.

I'm drinking out of my Lazy Smurf glass

2009-03-13T13:34:00.004-05:00

I only get to do this on days when I don't have to do anything I don't want to do. Today, I am stitching, reading, napping, playing Morganna and singing, and this evening the kids are going to my parents' to spend the night while I experience an evening of German Baroque music, complete with angelic voices and harpsichord with my friends TDB and Raybob.

How old?

2009-03-12T08:06:00.001-05:00

I was in the grocery store line and the cashier and the bagger were talking about guessing people's ages. The cashier was perhaps 20, and the bagger told me her age before I had a chance to guess it :47. Then she guessed my age; she said 47 and she was serious. I was even wearing makeup!

Karma SO needs to bite her ass for that.

Hiking and Homing

2009-03-07T10:58:00.004-06:00

Chris has taken the kids hiking today. I'm not allowed to go on their excursions because I am a worry wart and my constant warnings of eminent danger apparently throws some sort of wet blanket over their fun. Imagine... So, I stay home while they go enjoy the wild. Chris packed snacks and drinks and hiking sticks and they are gone to the wildlife refuge for several hours.

Both of my jobs are going really well. I coded 225 ER charts yesterday, and my brain was fried, but I had the end of the day satisfaction of a job well done. The newest job is very interesting too, though I am still really slow yet. All in all, between the working every day and the family life and all that entails, I don't have a lot of room in my head for anything other than what needs to be done that day.

Begin Again

2009-03-02T04:50:00.003-06:00

I start a new job today. I will work as an ER chart analyst on Mondays and Tuesdays from 8 to 6. Then I work Wed, Thursday and Friday this week at my PRN job as an ER chart Coder. Busy Busy Busy and Money Money Money.

I'm going to wear my hair down, since I have to get my photo made for my badge, do the full makeup treatment, wear my Celtic knot earrings and a black beaded top with my black wide leg slacks and my 4 inch platform sandals, and hope that the steroids I've had to take to banish the plague have not swollen my face to Moon Pie status.

These long Mondays and Tuesdays are going to be great for the kids. Every other week, they get to stay with my parents until I get there to pick them up. That's really nice; lots of Nana and Poppy time. And the weeks in between, Chris will be here with them, so lots of daddy time. And I can count on steady money to make sure the house payment is made. Good stuff, all around.

Recovery from the Plague

2009-02-27T10:30:00.001-06:00

The kids are back to school today, I am fever free and start a new part time job on Monday. I still have my PRN job as well. Yay!

A Potfull of Germs

2009-02-26T11:33:00.002-06:00

4 doctor visits in 4 weeks. First the kids, then me. Our ailments have included, bronchitis, pharyngitis, bronchiolitis, strep, sinusitis and "an underlying bacterial infection". Maybe we are about to whoop this stuff.

Happy Birthday to My Daddy

2009-02-24T06:43:00.000-06:00

A Pimped-Up Triquetra?

2009-02-23T06:50:00.000-06:00

Or Ruminations on the Atom?

The Power of Music

2009-02-21T12:42:00.001-06:00

Welcome address to freshmen at Boston Conservatory, given by Karl Paulnack, pianist and director of music division at Boston Conservatory.

One of my parents deepest fears, I suspect, is that society would not properly value me as a musician, that I wouldn't be appreciated. I had very good grades in high school, I was good in science and math, and they imagined that as a doctor or a research chemist or an engineer, I might be more appreciated than I would be as a musician. I still remember my mothers remark when I announced my decision to apply to music schoolshe said, Youre WASTING your SAT scores. On some level, I think, my parents were not sure themselves what the value of music was, what its purpose was. And they LOVED music, they listened to classical music all the time. They just werent really clear about its function.

So let me talk about that a little bit, because we live in a society that puts music in the arts and entertainment section of the newspaper, and serious music, the kind your kids are about to engage in, has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with entertainment, in fact its the opposite of entertainment. Let me talk a little bit about music, and how it works.

The first people to understand how music really works were the ancient Greeks. And this is going to fascinate you; the Greeks said that music and astronomy were two sides of the same coin. Astronomy was seen as the study of relationships between observable, permanent, external objects, and music was seen as the study of relationships between invisible, internal, hidden objects. Music has a way of finding the big, invisible moving pieces inside our hearts and souls and helping us figure out the position of things inside us. Let me give you some examples of how this works.

One of the most profound musical compositions of all time is the Quartet for the End of Time written by French composer Olivier Messiaen in 1940. Messiaen was 31 years old when France entered the war against Nazi Germany. He was captured by the Germans in June of 1940, sent across Germany in a cattle car and imprisoned in a concentration camp.

He was fortunate to find a sympathetic prison guard who gave him paper and a place to compose. There were three other musicians in the camp, a cellist, a violinist, and a clarinetist, and Messiaen wrote his quartet with these specific players in mind. It was performed in January 1941 for four thousand prisoners and guards in the prison camp. Today it is one of the most famous masterworks in the repertoire.

Given what we have since learned about life in the concentration camps, why would anyone in his right mind waste time and energy writing or playing music? There was barely enough energy on a good day to find food and water, to avoid a beating, to stay warm, to escape torturewhy would anyone bother with music? And yetfrom the camps, we have poetry, we have music, we have visual art; it wasnt just this one fanatic Messiaen; many, many people created art. Why? Well, in a place where people are only focused on survival, on the bare necessities, the obvious conclusion is that art must be, somehow, essential for life.

The camps were without money, without hope, without commerce, without recreation, without basic respect, but they were not without art. Art is part of survival; art is part of the human spirit, an unquenchable expression of who we are. Art is one of the ways in which we say, I am alive, and my life has meaning.

On September 12, 2001 I was a resident of Manhattan. That morning I reached a new understanding of my art and its relationship to the world. I sat down at the piano that morning at 10 AM to practice as was my daily routine; I did it by force of habit, without thinking about it. I lifted the cover on the keyboard, and opened my music, and put my hands on the keys and took my hands off the keys. And I sat there and thought, does this even matter? Isnt this completely irrelevant? Playing the piano right now, given what happened in this city yesterday, seems silly, absurd, irreverent, pointless. Why am I here? What place has a musician in this moment in time? Who needs a piano player right now? I was completely lost.

And then I, along with the rest of New York, went through the journey of getting through that week. I did not play the piano that day, and in fact I contemplated briefly whether I would ever want to play the piano again. And then I observed how we got through the day. At least in my neighborhood, we didnt shoot hoops or play Scrabble. We didnt play cards to pass the time, we didnt watch TV, we didnt shop, we most certainly did not go to the mall. The first organized activity that I saw in New York, that same day, was singing. People sang. People sang around fire houses, people sang We Shall Overcome. Lots of people sang America the Beautiful. The first organized public event that I remember was the Brahms Requiem, later that week, at Lincoln Center, with the New York Philharmonic. The first organized public expression of grief, our first communal response to that historic event, was a concert. That was the beginning of a sense that life> might go on. The US Military secured the airspace, but recovery was led by the arts, and by music in particular, that very night.

From these two experiences, I have come to understand that music is not part of arts and entertainment as the newspaper section would have us believe. Its not a luxury, a lavish thing that we fund from leftovers of our budgets, not a plaything or an amusement or a pass time. Music is a basic need of human survival. Music is one of the ways we make sense of our lives, one of the ways in which we express feelings when we have no words, a way for us to understand things with our hearts when we cant with our minds.

Some of you may know Samuel Barbers heart wrenchingly beautiful piece Adagio for Strings. If you dont know it by that name, then some of you may know it as the background music which companied the Oliver Stone movie Platoon, a film about the Vietnam War. If you know that piece of music either way, you know it has the ability to crack your heart open like a walnut; it can make you cry over sadness you didnt know you had. Music can slip beneath our conscious reality to get at whats really going on inside us the way a good therapist does.

I bet that you have never been to a wedding where there was absolutely no music. There might have been only a little music, there might have been some really bad music, but I bet you there was some music. And something very predictable happens at weddingspeople get all pent up with all kinds of emotions, and then theres some musical moment where the action of the wedding stops and someone sings or plays the flute or something. And even if the music is lame, even if the quality isnt good, predictably 30 or 40 percent of the people who are going to cry at a wedding cry a couple of moments after the music starts. Why? The Greeks. Music allows us to move around those big invisible pieces of ourselves and rearrange our insides so that we can express what we feel even when we cant talk about it. Can you imagine watching Indiana Jones or Superman or Star Wars with

the dialogue but no music? What is it about the music swelling up at just the right moment in ET so that all the softies in the audience start crying at exactly the same moment? I guarantee you if you showed the movie with the music stripped out, it wouldnt happen that way. The Greeks: Music is the understanding of the relationship between invisible internal objects.

Ill give you one more example, the story of the most important concert of my life. I must tell you I have played a little less than a thousand concerts in my life so far. I have played in places that I thought were important. I like playing in Carnegie Hall; I enjoyed playing in Paris; it made me very happy to please the critics in St. Petersburg. I have played for people I thought were important; music critics of major newspapers, foreign heads of state. The most important concert of my entire life took place in a nursing home in Fargo, ND, about 4 years ago.

I was playing with a very dear friend of mine who is a violinist. We began, as we often do, with Aaron Coplands Sonata, which was written during World War II and dedicated to a young friend of Coplands, a young pilot who was shot down during the war. Now we often talk to our audiences about the pieces we are going to play rather than providing> them with written program notes. But in this case, because we began the concert with this piece, we decided to talk about the piece later in the program and to just come out and play the music without explanation.

Midway through the piece, an elderly man seated in a wheelchair near the front of the concert hall began to weep. This man, whom I later met, was clearly a soldiereven in his 70s, it was clear from his buzz-cut hair, square jaw and general demeanor that he had spent a good deal of his life in the military. I thought it a little bit odd that someone would be moved to tears by that particular movement of that particular piece, but it wasnt the first time Ive heard crying in a concert and we went on with the concert and finished the piece.

When we came out to play the next piece on the program, we decided to talk about both the first and second pieces, and we described the circumstances in which the Copland was written and mentioned its dedication to a downed pilot. The man in the front of the audience became so disturbed that he had to leave the auditorium. I honestly figured that we would not see him again, but he did come backstage afterwards, tears and all, to explain himself.

What he told us was this: During World War II, I was a pilot, and I was in an aerial combat situation where one of my teams planes was hit. I watched my friend bail out, and watched his parachute open, but the Japanese planes which had engaged us returned and machine gunned across the parachute chords so as to separate the parachute from the pilot, and I watched my friend drop away into the ocean, realizing that he was lost. I have not thought about this for many years, but during that first piece of music you played, this memory returned to me so vividly that it was as though I was reliving it. I didnt understand why this was happening, why now, but then when you came out to explain that this piece of music was written to commemorate a lost pilot, it was a little more than I could handle. How does the music do that? How did it find those feelings and those memories in me?

Remember the Greeks: music is the study of invisible relationships between internal objects. This concert in Fargo was the most important work I have ever done. For me to play for this old soldier and help him connect, somehow, with Aaron Copland, and to connect their memories of their lost friends, to help him remember and mourn his friend, this is my work. This is why music matters.

What follows is part of the talk I will give to this years freshman class when I welcome them a few days from now. The responsibility I will charge your sons and daughters with is this:

If we were a medical school, and you were here as a med student practicing appendectomies, youd take your work very seriously because you would imagine that some night at two AM someone is going to waltz into your emergency room and youre going to have to save their life. Well, my friends, someday at 8 PM someone is going to walk into your concert hall and bring you a mind that is> confused, a heart that is overwhelmed, a soul that is weary. Whether they go out whole again will depend partly on how well you do your craft.

Youre not here to become an entertainer, and you dont have to sell yourself. The truth is you dont have anything to sell; being a musician isnâ<t about dispensing a product, like selling used Chevies. Im not an entertainer; Im a lot closer to a paramedic, a firefighter, a rescue worker. Youre here to become a sort of therapist for the human soul, a spiritual version of a chiropractor, physical therapist, someone who works with our insides to see if they get things to line up, to see if we can come into harmony with ourselves and be healthy and happy and well.

Frankly, ladies and gentlemen, I expect you not only to master music; I expect you to save the planet. If there is a future wave of wellness on this planet, of harmony, of peace, of an end to war, of mutual understanding, of equality, of fairness, I dont expect it will come from a government, a military force or a corporation. I no longer even expect it to come from the religions of the world, which together seem to have brought us as much war as they have peace. If there is a future of peace for humankind, if there is to be an understanding of how these invisible, internal things should fit together, I expect it will come from the artists, because thats what we do. As in the concentration camp and the evening of 9/11, the artists are the ones who might be able to help us with our internal, invisible lives.

Pissy pissy pissy and the cure for what ails me

2009-02-19T14:25:00.000-06:00

OOoooo, I was feeling so mean yesterday afternoon. When Chris got up, I went and curled up in the bed in the hopes that I would sleep the meanness off. I couldn't go to sleep, so I decided to drive to town, so as not to take out anything on my family. I knew it was just hormonal, and no one's fault, after all. When I am pissy, I need Thrash Rock and Metal so loud that it makes my bones vibrate. So on the way to town I listened to Marilyn Manson, Black Sabbath, ACDC, etc...and tried to breathe out my irritation. I called Drew and started the conversation by telling her how grouchy I was and she jumped right in there with me about how all she wanted in the world was a White Russian, but she didn't have any vodka or Kahlua AND that she had a headache. I already felt better, just talking to her for a minute. Then I called Cameron and she said she was feeling homicidal too and proceeded to cuss the air blue.

Girlfriends make everything better.

A Clairvoyant Dog

2009-02-16T14:51:00.006-06:00

This is Pebbles and she owns me. If I am on the couch, reading or sewing, she is nestled against my hip. If I am sleeping, she is curled up against me in the bed. If I am tapping away at the computer, I am sitting criss-cross applesauce style and she is in my lap. If I want to take a walk, I am S.O.L. if I think I can go without her.

All I have to do is think about going for a walk and she will awaken from a deep slumber and look at me with those M&M eyes. Then she will start to scratch and whine and walk in place so that I will know that she wants to go too. How does she know what I'm thinking?

I Have an Ear Worm

2009-02-15T14:16:00.004-06:00

The Laverne and Shirley theme song has been in my head since last night. I've always heard if you listen to the earworm song from start to finish, it will miraculously vanish. I can verify that this is not true.

A Love Letter

2009-02-13T04:21:00.000-06:00

Thumbelina's and Huckleberry's teachers had the most beautiful request for their students. They asked the parents, guardians etc... to write love letters to them for Valentine's Day.

The letters were to be written in longhand, with actual pen and paper, put into a sealed envelope, sent to the teacher, who would slip it into their Valentine boxes so the students wouldn't know anything about it until they were going through their Valentine boxes. Isn't that wonderful?

January, in Review

2009-02-09T10:25:00.006-06:00

I stole this idea from Casey. Rather than wait until the end of the year to make assessments on how we are doing on living the life we want to live, let's take inventory once a month.

In January, I did many more things that made me happy. I read more, I stitched more (2 Celtic knots in January), I exercised more, and I feel like I was a great mom. I only bought one block of Velveeta, which is quite an improvement, and I stayed far far away from Doritos. That isn't to say that I did not indulge in crunchy stuff dipped in creamy stuff. It is only to say that I did not OVER indulge in crunchy stuff dipped in creamy stuff.

I worked at the hospital a very reasonable amount (I heart PRN) yet was able to be home when the kids were sick, needing Mama pampering. I did lots of cooking and Chris spoiling too, which makes me happy.

For February, I vow to get our taxes done (H&R Block will do ours for $49 because I was a college student in 2008)walk 10 miles a week and put in that damned Body Boot Camp DVD that I bought the first week of January. And, if I am a very good girl, I will move my puff along with the DVD, and not just watch it and think ugly thoughts about the tight bodied bitches on the screen in front of me.

Sick of Sickness

2009-02-06T03:54:00.002-06:00

First Huck had strep , now Lina has asthmatic bronchitis and is on antibiotics, oral steroids and breathing treatments.

Happy Birthday Chris and Huckleberry

2009-02-03T08:06:00.000-06:00

My man is 36 and my boy is 9. May your 37th and 10th years be full of happiness, growth, and love.

Through Thumbelina's Eyes-The Shadows and Light of Imbolc

2009-02-02T08:42:00.013-06:00

Lina took a long walk with her digital camera yesterday afternoon.

This is her view from the curve of the dirt and gravel road.

She thought the sight of ChiChi walking through the shadows thrown by the porch rails was really interesting, and loved the light playing on Holly Mittens' fur coat.

Chris was feeling "Zen-ish"*

2009-01-31T16:49:00.012-06:00

Chris stopped by The Evil Lord Waldemart to pick up a few things. He was browsing through the home decor section and saw this cute little water fountain thingy. Then he got the idea to surround it with plants and rocks.

The funny thing is, I have been eying this very water fountain thingy for about a year, but could not justify the extra expense to myself. $20 isn't so very much money, unless one is a tightwad.

Chris has no such qualms. If you look up "instant gratification" in the dictionary, you will encounter his head shot.

Whatever the case, I'm feeling Zen-ish now, too.

*Zen-ish. Really, that's what he said.

Hyper Children Need Mary Poppins

2009-01-30T02:40:00.000-06:00

Lina and Huck were practically jumping on the bed at lights out yestereve. Their giggleboxes were turned upside down, so I decided to go with it and crack them up by singing this song to them.

I even mimicked the inflections, facial expressions and final consonants that Ms. Andrews evokes so eloquently.

Yes, I will jump right on this bandwagon

2009-01-28T17:05:00.002-06:00

She looks hot. I like her curves. Though,those jeans are rather scary.

Reflections on 15 Years of Marriage

2009-01-27T06:33:00.001-06:00

Today is our anniversary. We were talking last night about what all has changed in the 15 years since January 27, 1994. What if we could have looked into the future and had seen our selves at this very moment in time?

Firstly, we would have been amazed that we had these two great children and it would blow our minds to see them. 15 years ago, we weren't sure we even wanted children, and never could have imagined having two other people living with us! A dog, yes, but an 11 year old girl and a boy who will be 9 in a week? No way.

We would have liked how cute our home was, but would have run screaming had we known we would live in rural Alabama. That was so not in our game plan.

If we could have seen that Chris was a Respiratory Therapist who intubated people and saved lives on a regular basis, we would not have given that vision any credence whatsoever.

We would be happy that we were still involved in music, and I would be shocked to know that I played the harp, as that had never even crossed my mind at the time.

It would surprise me that I considered myself to be a pagan, since I didn't even know what that was in 1994. We would be quite curious about the fact that Chris was reading the Tao Te Ching and that I was reading a book with the word "witchery" in the title.

My brother was 16 when Chris and I married, and had only recently told me he was gay (to which I said "duh"). My parents were only 40 years old, and Chris' dad was still alive.

We would not be surprised that we still had so much fun together, but we would be very disappointed that we didn't have any more time alone together than we do. Chris would be freaked out by all his gray hair, and I would wonder about all the lines on my face.

All in all, we decided that if we were exactly what we expected we'd be, it would have been a disappointment, as that would mean we hadn't grown as individuals or in our partnership.

There Really Was A Wolf This Time (Subtitled: I am a mean mama)

2009-01-23T12:06:00.000-06:00

Huck is my darling boy, Myn Lyking,my dear sonne, myn sweeting, but I know him very well. He is manipulative and feels that all is fair in Sickness and Faking. Pardon me if I don't believe him every time he says he's sick.

He will cry and act like he's at death's very door. I have learned to stand beside him the entire time his temp is being taken because I once caught him holding the thermometer against a light bulb. He will claim that there is pain in every cell in his body. He has actually mixed up a concoction of chocolate milk and oatmeal and poured it into the toilet to try to convince me that he hurled.

Believe it or not, he enjoys school, makes excellent grades and is well adjusted, but he will cheerfully swallow a flaming sword if he thinks it will cop him a day at home on the couch watching Spongebob and eating snacks. When I saw his Oscar worthy performance Wednesday evening, complete with tears and limping, I said ( and you have to imagine my Alabama accent with this) "I'll tell you what. I'll send your butt to school pukin' rather than listen to you whine this way."

Well, I didn't send his butt to school pukin', because he woke me up at 4am doing exactly that. I kept him home again today and took him to the doctor. Turns out, he has strep.

Does that turn me into a regretful, guilty mama? No sir! I proceeded to tell him the story of the Little Boy Who Cried Wolf and explain that the reason that I didn't believe that he was sick is because he fakes it. And, yes, I did this on the way home from the doctor, just after his diagnosis.

Of course, when we got home, I completely pampered him and held him in my lap and murmured many "poor baby"s, which probably cancels out my earlier stern demeanor.

Life is Too Short for Ordinary Glassware

2009-01-22T07:44:00.051-06:00

My parents were having supper at the home of one of their church friends and mom saw that the lady of the house had these cartoon glasses sitting out on her counter. She mentioned how I loved cartoon glasses and that sweet hostess wrapped them up and sent them to me! Today I am drinking out of the Fozzie glass because Janice is on this one and she is my favorite Muppet. I giggle just thinking about how she says she won't take her clothes off for anyone, even if it IS artistic.

These sorts of glasses are all we use at Nestlewood. I started collecting in '95 or so, but most of those have been broken over the years. These days, I mostly find them at yard sales or on eBay, and I never pay much for them. It's so much fun to have company and let them look through the glasses and decide which one they want their drink in while they are here. As for myself, each day, I decide how I'm feeling and choose a coordinating glass.

When I'm feeling chubby and okay with it, I choose Theodore.

When I'm hormonal and blue, I choose Tenderheart Bear, but only because there is no Bitchy Meany Self Loathing Bear and because I don't have a Grouchy Smurf glass.

If I'm overwhelmed by work, tasks, and the like, I let Linus speak for me.

Lazy Smurf is used the most rarely of all the glasses, and is the most special. This one is used on the days I don't have to go anywhere or do anything that I don't want to do.

Hail to the Chief

2009-01-20T18:33:00.002-06:00

Yay!

2009-01-20T06:23:00.005-06:00

I get to go back to work today! I've been off since 12/31, and it has rocked because I have been Sally Homemaker, but I am tickled to put on my ruffles, my wide leg pants, my high heels and my jewelry. I just love to sit at a desk with a big tall stack of ER charts to code.

You can please some of the people some of the time...

2009-01-18T18:36:00.002-06:00

I made a wonderful pot roast today, complete with potatoes, carrots, onions and mushrooms. It simmered in the crock pot for about 10 hours and made the house smell heavenly.

Huck, who never voluntarily eats anything that isn't sugared and processed, ate an entire plate full and asked for seconds. Lina, who will normally eat everything that doesn't eat her first, said "Uhm, yeah, Mama, for future reference...I hate roast".

However, the leftovers of that very roast will be frozen and used in a soup in the near future, and she will love it at that point because she adores my soup made from leftover roast. Huckleberry on the other hand, despises soup and will not eat a bite of it, roast or no roast.

If I am Defined by My Preferred Way of Eating, then I'm Fast Cheap and Easy

2009-01-16T11:01:00.008-06:00

On this, the 16th day of being on the Nutrition Wagon, I slipped. It wasn't a complete fall, because I am still on the wagon, but I slipped to the edge of it anyway.

This morning, Chris described something to me that a nurse had brought to work to share. I'm sure she felt she was being quite the friendly co-worker, but I think she must be one of satan's handmaidens. Listen to this: Heat up a can of chili. Sprinkle some shredded cheese on it, then heat it a little more. Pour that over Fritos and add a scoop of sour cream.

Fast, Cheap and Easy AND Crunchy stuff and Creamy stuff with Hot Sauce! I think I need to say the Serenity Prayer now, and accept the things I cannot change, change the things I can and have the wisdom to know the difference.

So, yes, I slipped off the wagon and ate some of satan's manna. But I only had one little tea saucer of chili and cheese and sour cream, and only enough Fritos to scoop it all up. Well, okay, and then I licked the saucer. And maybe I had a Frito or two to cleanse the palate. But I am still riding the wagon, even if I'm only hanging off the tail end of it by my fingertips.

Works in Progress

2009-01-13T16:20:00.003-06:00

Chris made the rug braiding loom for me a few years ago. I'm teaching Lina how to make the rug.

Here is another of my Celtic knot primitive embroidery projects; I'm about 8/10 of the way done with this one. The blue ink is my stitch guide and it is water soluble, so will not be visible once the design is done. If you are interested, I made the candles that are in the photo as well. The big one is a 3 layer cold pour (the cooler pouring temp is what gives it the rustic look). The fragrances are Cinn-a-Buns, Pumpkin Crunch Cake and Macintosh Apple. The candle in the jar that is burning is Amish Harvest.

Get Thee Behind Me!

2009-01-11T20:44:00.004-06:00

There are certain things that are just not safe in my presence.

1. Velveeta. The fact is, if Velveeta is around, I am going to melt it and dip something crunchy in it. I will do this until all Velveeta and all crunchies are gone. I will also cook macaroni noodles and mix them with melted Velveeta, and then top the concoction off with Parmesan cheese and crushed red pepper. I will probably do this in the middle of the night when no one can catch me.

2. Doritos. These are the Crunchies Moste E-ville, as they suck all my will and I am powerless against them. When Doritos are in the privacy of my own home, they can most often be found smothered in Velveeta that has been melted and topped with jalapenos.

3. Cream Cheese. I will soften cream cheese and smear it on anything that will sit still. I especially love to dip Doritos in softened cream cheese, but I have been known to eat cream cheese by the bite, much like one would a candy bar.

None of these give me any nutrition, so I resolved not to keep them in the house, as they are much stronger than I. The temptation is powerful, though. They call my name when I'm at the grocery store, but I cover my ears and sing "Yankee Doodle" to drown out their siren's song.

Various and Sundries

2009-01-08T14:23:00.002-06:00

My job is PRN and I have been off since New Year's Eve. It's lovely. I'm cooking and cleaning and stitching and reading and exercising. Of course, I am not making money.... I put in another PRN application today; we'll see where it goes.

There has been major flooding in our area. Lina and Huck were supposed to go back to school on Wednesday, but school was canceled yesterday and again today. It's a good thing I haven't been working this week, or the kids would have been strewn to the 4 winds, and I would have met flooded roads on my way to work. The water table of the river under the interstate bridge that I have to cross to get to work? It is reaching the underside of the bridge, according to the local news. Floods are the Deep South version of blizzards, I suppose.

Before and After

2009-01-06T17:56:00.000-06:00

My kids are slobs. Icky, nasty slobs. I tend to be laid back and let their rooms stay messy, but do make them keep the rats and bugs away by ensuring they bring dirty dishes to the kitchen and make them take their dirty laundry to the washer etc... As for their clutter, I usually just ignore it. I keep MY space nice and neat (living room, kitchen, etc...) and let them wallow in their own messiness.

Sometimes,however, I just have to go in each of the kids rooms and do a banishing. I get to a point where I can't stand it anymore. Look at Huck's room. Can you believe this? I started at 10am and finished at 3:30pm. 8 garbage bags, 4 cardboard boxes of broken toys, random pieces of paper and detritus later, I emerged sweaty, with much back pain, cuts all over my legs and feet from a broken light bulb hidden under the abyss, but with an enormous sense of accomplishment.

Haven't We All?

2009-01-05T20:11:00.003-06:00

My Latest Obsession

2009-01-04T05:55:00.000-06:00

Somebody give me some Tylenol. Cheyenne Jackson is givin' me a fee-vah.

He can sing, he can dance, he can act, he can poke fun at himself. What's not to love? However, all we women who want him are SOL. The lucky men get him all to themselves.

A girl can dream, can't she? And I do. Oh, yes, I do.

Reflections and Resolutions

2009-01-02T09:56:00.007-06:00

2008 was a watershed. I graduated from college, got a job, tried to balance having a career with being a wife, a mom and me and all that entails. Then I got fired from that job, felt worthless and miserable, then found another and got completely slammed with trying to balance everything again etc...

On the inside I was a complete train wreck for most of the year. Some good things fell by the wayside.
1. Exercise-I went from running 10 miles a week to walking to the mailbox.
2. Reading-I usually read 100 books per year. In 2008 I read 1/2 that, and all but 10 of those I had read previously. I re-read all those books to comfort myself and revisit old friends.
3. Crafting-I pieced a grand total of ONE quilt in 2008, only made candles when someone paid me to do it, and stitched only 3 Celtic knots. Also, every year I learn something new to do with my hands. Over the years this has covered everything from the crafts I just mentioned to learning to play the harp to learning to paint faux finishes on furniture and walls to learning to braid a rug, soapmaking etc... This year, I didn't learn any new creative things.

Some bad things were added to my life as well.
1.Insomnia-Unfortunately I have found the wee small hours of the morning to be the only time in a 24 hour period where I can have some much craved solitude.
2.Low self esteem. Between the job issues and the fact that I didn't do the things that made me happy, I often felt bluer than blue and sadder than sad.
3.OCD. My stress level has caused my OCD to get so bad that I am going to have to change my meds.

My resolution this year is to claim back what makes me happy, and banish what makes me unhappy.

Torn Between Two Lovers

2008-12-28T09:17:00.009-06:00

I am too old for this shit. Edward and Jacob. Jacob and Edward. I swear they are all I think about! I'm reading Eclipse for the second time because of the way these characters are written in this story. Yes, I tend to get completely obsessed with fictional characters and never feel weird about it. Fictional characters are a huge part of my life, as I devour fiction books like most folks devour a hearty meal.

But the Harry Potter books don't make me feel like a perv, because the only character I was ever hot for was Sirius Black. It's fine for me to want Roarke from JD Robb's In Death series, because he is a grownup. Jamie, from the Outlander series is fine too, as he starts out at age 23 in the first book and is in his 50s in the most recent tome.

But Jacob is 16 or 17! Edward is over 100 and in the body of a 17 year old. It's icky for me to feel this way about them. I actually had a sex dream a couple of nights ago when I was doing both of them at once. Edward was all cool and controlled and Jacob was unabashedly enthusiastic.

Chris just laughs his head off when I tell him these things and threatens to make me register as a sex offender.

Air Conditioning

2008-12-26T12:41:00.003-06:00

I turned on the A/C today. Really and Truly. Of course, I stay hot all the time, perimenopause and all that. Seriously, I had to change the sheets this morning because I SOAKED them with sweat last night. I got up with my jammies soaked and had to walk outside on the porch to dry the sweat. Not to cool off, mind you, just dry the sweat. Chris wonders why we even have heat, as I dare anyone to turn in on. I walk around barefoot and in spaghetti strap tanks with loose fitting capri pants in what everyone else considers to be the bleak midwinter. Today I am wearing what I call my "naked dress". It's spaghetti strapped and comes to just above my knees, and I wear no bra,and no panties. It's the closest I can get to running around naked without breaking any laws or hurting anyone's eyes.

Bacchanalia

2008-12-25T09:41:00.011-06:00

Lina, Huck and their loot

Lina got me this metal replica of the Leaky Cauldron sign. Isn't it great?

December 24, 2008

2008-12-24T12:10:00.002-06:00

Today is my first day off since November 17th and I am reveling. I'm hanging at home, the lights on the tree are twinkling, there is Christmas music playing (currently Nat King Cole) and I am about to make some candy. Lina is making reindeer costumes for her stuffed animals, Huck is shooting things with his Nerf Gun and making the appropriate death and pain sounds, and Chris is snoozing on the couch with the dog curled up against him.

Have a Jolly Holiday. Blessed Be.

Jane Monheit - The Man with the Bag

2008-12-20T14:15:00.005-06:00

Swingin'!

Sultry looks at the camera, diffuse lighting, an implied Santa and jazz. Throw in the fact that I would go completely gay for Jane Monheit...

A Bass-Ackwards MeMe

2008-12-17T20:30:00.006-06:00

In this MeMe, I don't tell you random things about myself. You tell me random things about myself. Feel free to answer some or all, in an email or in comments.

1. The love of my life:

2. Where you and I met:

3. Take a stab at my middle name:

4. How long you’ve known me:

5. The last time that we saw each other:

6. Would I ever go sky diving?

7. Your first impression of me upon meeting me/seeing me:

8. Am I funny?

9. My favorite type of music:

10. Can I sing?

11. The best feature about me:

12. What do I want to do more than anything?

13. What is one thing that you think I should do?

14. Do I have any special talents? If so, what are they?

15. Would you call me preppy, average, sporty, punk, hippie, glam, nerdy, snobby, or something else?

16. Have you ever hugged me?

17. My favorite food:

18. Have you ever had a crush on me?

19. If there was one good nickname for me, it would be:

20. Your favorite memory of me:

21. If you and I were stranded on a desert island, I would bring:

22. Do I believe in God?

23. Who are my best friends?

24. Will you repost this so I can fill this out for you?

I'm saying "Uncle" and no one is listening

2008-12-14T11:22:00.009-06:00

I'm begging for mercy. So far, my contract, substitute Coder job has me working every single business day since Nov. 17. Then I come home, take care of kids and pour candles. I have 300 or so to deliver by tomorrow. I'm thrilled to have a job, thrilled to get the candle money as well, but not at all thrilled to come home after a 10 hour day and pour candles for another 3 or so hours and all day long on weekends.

Today, to save my sanity, I watched my favorite part of White Christmas while my first batch of wax was heating. Do enjoy "Mandy". Would that I had legs like Vera Ellen.

And, does anyone else notice that Bing Crosby is the only heterosexual male on the stage? Tee hee.

Huge Hairy Highlander

2008-12-12T06:04:00.010-06:00

So tired and stressed. I need a moment...

Now, back to my regularly scheduled neurosis.

Halls Bedeck'd

2008-12-07T05:10:00.004-06:00

Together on Yuletide Square

2008-12-03T08:39:00.001-06:00

Call me lowbrow. Call me kitschy. Call me simple. This is my very favorite Christmas album of all time. Firstly, can't nobody scoop a pitch like Karen Carpenter. Not nobody, not nohow. Secondly, if you listen to the album from start to finish (and that is the ONLY way), there are no breaks between the songs, because they are painting a portrait, hence the name of the album, teehee. Campalicious.

Then let's analyze the fact that they use a harp glissando in nearly every song, several times. I love this. See, I only use glissando at very important parts of a performance; I don't want it to lose it's drama, after all. Do Karen and Richard worry about this? Nay, they do not. Drama abounds! From whom else might one learn about a place called Yuletide Square, complete with a snare brush in lieu of a drumstick?

My Boyfriend's Back

2008-12-01T02:45:00.001-06:00

This is a gargoyle outside Charlemagne's cathedral in Aachen, Germany.
Below, Chris, in the doorway of Mozart's house.

He's home, jet lagged and dripping with presents for his loved ones. There are lots more pictures to share, but I'm going to make him do a guest blog post and show them to you.

Cameron is feeling better, though she still has the left side numbness and heaviness. Thankfully, the facial droop is gone, and her conversations make total sense and are full of humor.

I did a Lessons and Carols performance at a local Episcopal church yestereve. I've done it all but one year of the last 15 and it means so much to me. I have the soprano solo on Mary's Magnificat. If you are interested, the part I do starts at @ the one minute mark on this clip, with the words "My soul doth magnify". Don't expect to see your friendly neighborhood AZ in this clip though. This is just so you can hear this gorgeous piece. And, yes, pagan though I am, I celebrate both Christmas and Yule and experience no incongruity, only joy.

I have 2 harp/voice performances coming up and Thumbelina rides a horse in the Christmas parade this Saturday. I'm working every day at my contract coder job so far and have 300 candles to make for a local school fundraiser. December is always so slammed, isn't it? Surprisingly, I really don't mind. It makes all those quiet moments on the couch watching the lights on the tree all the more warm and cozy.

Healing Energies Needed

2008-11-29T13:32:00.005-06:00

It seems my girlfriend Cameron had a TIA yesterday. She will have an MRI on Monday, so we will hopefully know more then.

She called me last night and wasn't even making sense. She sounded as though she were on drugs, but she doesn't do drugs, so I knew that wasn't the problem. It's really a wonder she had the presence of mind to call me. While we were on the phone, I asked her for her address so that I could call 911 and she didn't even know what it was. Drew and I met her at the hospital, worried sick.

Tests were run at the ER and she was admitted to the hospital. The thing is, she is only 37 and is in really good health. She's a black belt in Tung Soo Do for crying out loud! She doesn't have high blood pressure or anything like that, but she is under a tremendous amount of stress. She's a single mom whose ex husband is a drug addict who doesn't pay child support, and she is about 2 weeks away from graduating with her RN degree.

Please send healing energies to Cameron

I Love Ya, Tomorrow. You're Only A Day Away!

2008-11-28T12:48:00.002-06:00

We pick Chris up from the airport at 9PM tomorrow. Yay!

100,000 paper cuts on my tongue

2008-11-24T19:32:00.007-06:00

That's what I would rather get than spend Thanksgiving with Chris' family.

Firstly, they are all in my yard every freaking Sunday of life because Chris' mom lives in our garage that's been converted into a house for her. So it isn't as though I never see them and Thanksgiving will be a big holly jolly reunion.

Secondly, I love them in that they are my brothers and sisters in the Circle of Life sense, but I don't actually like but perhaps 2 out of 49. And yes, there are 49 of them! That isn't hyperbole.

Thirdly, my idea of a jolly holiday is doing what I want to do, not what I have to do.

Fourthly, Chris is still in Europe and will not even be here on Thanksgiving. I would much rather go to my parents' house, watch the Macy's parade while helping mom in the kitchen, help mom put up her Christmas tree (our hallowed tradition, after the kitchen is clean), then come home and kick back and laugh with the kids. Oh, and notice it's all about mom? Daddy hates holidays because he has OCD and holidays mess with his routine. I have OCD too, but I take medicine for it, which is something he does not do, but I digress...

Last year Chris said that he would no longer participate in holidays with his family, because they were an experiment in terror. I'm behind him 100 percent. How can we tactfully do this, though? I'm thinking that the best out would be to tell at least part of the truth. That we just really want to spend the holidays hanging out at home. Of course they will get mad and say ugly things about us, but I'm pretty sure I can live with that.

So, is blood thicker than personal need? I think not.

There is something to be said about being a single mom

2008-11-23T17:10:00.007-06:00

I have enjoyed my kids so much today. We've had hot chocolate and popcorn and watched Christmas movies and played chess. I have laughed my head off at the goofy stuff they've said and they have laughed their heads off at the goofy stuff I've said. Here are some samples.

Lina: I'm fixin' to fart so hard. Hold your nose.
(Remember Huck stutters) Huck: "I-I-I-I...crap I can't even talk"

Lina, as Huck prances around sky clad after his bath "Hello! Cover up the package!"
Huck and his naked self then begins to break dance. Naturally.

Recovery

2008-11-20T19:30:00.004-06:00

I was really happy to go to work today. Being in this new environment emphasized how Dolores Umbridge stripped me of my self esteem at the other job. I can look back and see that the way she treated me was nothing less than emotional abuse.

Today, my new boss gave me my password, handed me about 100 ER charts, watched me code a few of them, then said "Let me know if you need anything". What. A. Concept. She treated me as though I had a college degree in this field, and actually had a clue about what I was doing. I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, kept thinking she was going to come in behind me and check everything I did so that she could find something to bitch about. I even wondered if she had access to my password so that she could follow my every move (which my other boss did! My other boss even came into my office when I wasn't there and went through my desk!) This boss is reasonable. She trusts her qualified employees to be, well, qualified.

Unfortunately, I got a call from the school nurse at noon saying that Thumbelina was sick. She had no fever and the only symptoms she had were ones to which she could attest (weak, dizzy, nauseated). Then, this evening, Huck comes to me crying saying that he felt like his stomach was going to crack apart and that his snot kept bothering him. I don't really believe them. I think that their daddy is halfway through his 3 week Europe trip and their mom started a job today and they are stressed over it.

Either way, I'm going to work tomorrow, and the first three days of next week. We'll take it from there.

I Think I May Be A Pervert

2008-11-19T20:45:00.006-06:00

I am in love with a 17 year old boy/107 year old man/90 year old vampire. I began to read Twilight by Stephenie Meyer this morning and have read nearly 300 pages today.

Sure, I had heard all about the series, but didn't really think I would be interested so never bothered to read them. A blog buddy, Rilana, mentioned the characters in these books yesterday, and I dreamed about the books last night after reading her blog post. I bought the first book this morning and dammit, now I'm hooked!

I have been called in to work tomorrow and Friday with my new job, which of course is wonderful, but this means I will not get to read until after I get home and get the kids their supper and their baths and homework and play at least one game of chess or Uno with them.

I suppose Edward will have to wait for me until this weekend.

Job News

2008-11-18T11:31:00.002-06:00

I have been hired as a contract Coder for the hospital where I did my clinicals. I'll also be the Cancer Registrar. I have no idea how often I will work, and I really don't care. I'm just thrilled that someone wants me!

I Guess I'm Codependent After All

2008-11-18T07:37:00.001-06:00

I miss Chris. I'm trying not to wallow and spiral downward, but, here between friends, I will admit it. I am MISERABLE without him. He has called nearly every evening and we have web cammed a couple of times, but tomorrow he leaves for Austria and will be there for 5 days and I will have no contact with him whatsoever.

I have done everything in the world that I can think of to stay busy, up to and including putting up the Christmas/Yule tree, cleaned the house like it will be inspected by the health department, put together a set of bunkbeds, folded 14 loads of laundry, walked many a mile on a country road with my dog, gone shopping (which I would normally rather put a fork in my eye than do) cooked everything I can think of, done job interviews, spent many hours on the phone with my friends, read many books and watched several movies. It's easy to cram all this stuff in since I am an unemployed insomniac.

Lina and Huck miss him, but nothing like I do. They are so used to his freakazoid work hours that it doesn't seem very different to them. Tonight Lina and I were talking while we were setting up the chess board and she, in her empathetic way, said "Of course you miss him this much. He's your best friend."

He's been in Europe 10 days. 11 more to go.

Only, let's make it light blue instead of dark blue

2008-11-17T07:51:00.000-06:00

This is what I want. Chris and the kids swear that they will never ride in it, but this is what I want. My 2001 recently paid off car is still running, so, as long as that's happening, I won't get this car. But once it quits...

It isn't that I think this is such a gorgeous car or anything. It's that it would be a public attestation to the fact that I think being judged on our transportation is ridiculous. Naturally, in this car I would be judged on my transportation, thus the irony.

Different Worlds

2008-11-15T08:54:00.005-06:00

While I've been working with Huck on singular and plural possessives, talking Lina through her 11 year old hormonal angst, putting together bunkbeds and the like, Chris has been in Aachen and Muenster Germany. He spent last evening in Charlemagne's cathedral under an almost full moon. Can you imagine?