In Sickness and in Health, but I much prefer health

Chris called me from work tonight to tell me his blood pressure was 200/119!!!!! Fortunately, he works at a hospital and they have been monitoring him and giving meds. His boss came in to work for him, so he has been on a cot most of the night. It's down to 170/95 now, which is better, but still nothing to sing about.

I'd noticed he had been acting a little off (headache etc..) but didn't really think anything about it. Damn.

I may be married to the Easter Beagle

Spring is Chris' favorite time of year and he loves to spread the joy. He stopped on his way home from work and cut the wisteria for me. I woke up to the bouquet, wine and stuffed bunny a few days ago, and he and the kids colored 5 dozen eggs last night.

He gets positively giggly and giddy when dogwoods bloom and he can be surrounded by fresh new green leaves on trees. He stretches out on the porch swing and reads when he has a day off, and is hard pressed to come inside for any reason.

I, on the other hand, am Linus, waiting for the Great Pumpkin. To me, April is the cruelest month, because the warming begins. I rejoice in the turning of the wheel of the year, and I know that I will enjoy the fresh herbs and tomatoes in the next few months. Of course, I marvel at the beauty around me, but blue skies and sunshine make me melancholy. Already I am yearning for the gray skies of Autumn, jack o'lanterns on front porches and orange leaves swirling in a brisk breeze.

Chris was feeling "Zen-ish"*

Chris stopped by The Evil Lord Waldemart to pick up a few things. He was browsing through the home decor section and saw this cute little water fountain thingy. Then he got the idea to surround it with plants and rocks.

The funny thing is, I have been eying this very water fountain thingy for about a year, but could not justify the extra expense to myself. $20 isn't so very much money, unless one is a tightwad.

Chris has no such qualms. If you look up "instant gratification" in the dictionary, you will encounter his head shot.

Whatever the case, I'm feeling Zen-ish now, too.


*Zen-ish. Really, that's what he said.

Reflections on 15 Years of Marriage

Today is our anniversary. We were talking last night about what all has changed in the 15 years since January 27, 1994. What if we could have looked into the future and had seen our selves at this very moment in time?

Firstly, we would have been amazed that we had these two great children and it would blow our minds to see them. 15 years ago, we weren't sure we even wanted children, and never could have imagined having two other people living with us! A dog, yes, but an 11 year old girl and a boy who will be 9 in a week? No way.

We would have liked how cute our home was, but would have run screaming had we known we would live in rural Alabama. That was so not in our game plan.

If we could have seen that Chris was a Respiratory Therapist who intubated people and saved lives on a regular basis, we would not have given that vision any credence whatsoever.

We would be happy that we were still involved in music, and I would be shocked to know that I played the harp, as that had never even crossed my mind at the time.

It would surprise me that I considered myself to be a pagan, since I didn't even know what that was in 1994. We would be quite curious about the fact that Chris was reading the Tao Te Ching and that I was reading a book with the word "witchery" in the title.

My brother was 16 when Chris and I married, and had only recently told me he was gay (to which I said "duh"). My parents were only 40 years old, and Chris' dad was still alive.

We would not be surprised that we still had so much fun together, but we would be very disappointed that we didn't have any more time alone together than we do. Chris would be freaked out by all his gray hair, and I would wonder about all the lines on my face.

All in all, we decided that if we were exactly what we expected we'd be, it would have been a disappointment, as that would mean we hadn't grown as individuals or in our partnership.

My Boyfriend's Back

This is a gargoyle outside Charlemagne's cathedral in Aachen, Germany.
Below, Chris, in the doorway of Mozart's house.

He's home, jet lagged and dripping with presents for his loved ones. There are lots more pictures to share, but I'm going to make him do a guest blog post and show them to you.

Cameron is feeling better, though she still has the left side numbness and heaviness. Thankfully, the facial droop is gone, and her conversations make total sense and are full of humor.

I did a Lessons and Carols performance at a local Episcopal church yestereve. I've done it all but one year of the last 15 and it means so much to me. I have the soprano solo on Mary's Magnificat. If you are interested, the part I do starts at @ the one minute mark on this clip, with the words "My soul doth magnify". Don't expect to see your friendly neighborhood AZ in this clip though. This is just so you can hear this gorgeous piece. And, yes, pagan though I am, I celebrate both Christmas and Yule and experience no incongruity, only joy.

I have 2 harp/voice performances coming up and Thumbelina rides a horse in the Christmas parade this Saturday. I'm working every day at my contract coder job so far and have 300 candles to make for a local school fundraiser. December is always so slammed, isn't it? Surprisingly, I really don't mind. It makes all those quiet moments on the couch watching the lights on the tree all the more warm and cozy.

I Guess I'm Codependent After All

I miss Chris. I'm trying not to wallow and spiral downward, but, here between friends, I will admit it. I am MISERABLE without him. He has called nearly every evening and we have web cammed a couple of times, but tomorrow he leaves for Austria and will be there for 5 days and I will have no contact with him whatsoever.

I have done everything in the world that I can think of to stay busy, up to and including putting up the Christmas/Yule tree, cleaned the house like it will be inspected by the health department, put together a set of bunkbeds, folded 14 loads of laundry, walked many a mile on a country road with my dog, gone shopping (which I would normally rather put a fork in my eye than do) cooked everything I can think of, done job interviews, spent many hours on the phone with my friends, read many books and watched several movies. It's easy to cram all this stuff in since I am an unemployed insomniac.

Lina and Huck miss him, but nothing like I do. They are so used to his freakazoid work hours that it doesn't seem very different to them. Tonight Lina and I were talking while we were setting up the chess board and she, in her empathetic way, said "Of course you miss him this much. He's your best friend."

He's been in Europe 10 days. 11 more to go.

He's Leaving on a Jet Plane

I put Chris on a plane to Europe this afternoon for his sabbatical. He plans to spend time in Germany, Austria, Amsterdam, The Netherlands, France and Belgium. He will be back in three weeks.

I knew I would miss him, but I have been repressing the thought of how much. Why borrow trouble, right? It's easier for me, because I knew him when he was just Chris, not a husband and father, so I understand his need. I have the same need. The need to just be me for a little while. Lina and Huck will understand it someday, but for now, they are just pissed and sad that their daddy is leaving them to gallivant across another continent.

Safety energies would be much appreciated.

Women Health Minute

This here is Autumn Z with your women health minute. Girrrl make your mens leave the room and I'm a tell you sumpin about it.

The few days before that most special time of the month or in my case, whatever random time it happens to be, I get hateful, but not to those I love. I am anti ME at this time. I feel stupid and ugly and untalented and ugly haired and so bloated and flabby that I don't think I should be aloud to live. I went and burrowed my head into my pillow and Chris came and laid down beside me. He is used to this and is good at deciding how best to handle me. Here is the conversation:

C:Poor baby. What can I do?
Me: Don't rub my belly. It's gross.
So he started to rub my hair
Me: Don't rub my hair either. It's stiff and coarse with wierdo sections flying about at random.

He then did the absolute best thing he could do. He laughed until I was ready to slap him. I kept asking him "what?" in between my own reluctant giggles and would hear things like "so sorry" and "hair" and "witch". Finally he was coherent enough to say

"Witch Hazel. You feel like you look like Witch Hazel!"

Naturally I then gave a huge laugh from my big bloated flabby belly, scrubbed my hands through my snarled frizzy hair and we had to get up and go watch some Witch Hazel on You Tube. Enjoy A Witch's Tangled Hare. If you need another fix, here's Broomstick Bunny.