There are certain things that are just not safe in my presence.
1. Velveeta. The fact is, if Velveeta is around, I am going to melt it and dip something crunchy in it. I will do this until all Velveeta and all crunchies are gone. I will also cook macaroni noodles and mix them with melted Velveeta, and then top the concoction off with Parmesan cheese and crushed red pepper. I will probably do this in the middle of the night when no one can catch me.
2. Doritos. These are the Crunchies Moste E-ville, as they suck all my will and I am powerless against them. When Doritos are in the privacy of my own home, they can most often be found smothered in Velveeta that has been melted and topped with jalapenos.
3. Cream Cheese. I will soften cream cheese and smear it on anything that will sit still. I especially love to dip Doritos in softened cream cheese, but I have been known to eat cream cheese by the bite, much like one would a candy bar.
None of these give me any nutrition, so I resolved not to keep them in the house, as they are much stronger than I. The temptation is powerful, though. They call my name when I'm at the grocery store, but I cover my ears and sing "Yankee Doodle" to drown out their siren's song.
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7 comments:
Oh I can understand this.
Especially the doritoes bit. You remember when you were super-awesome and sent me some? Brightened my whole entire month.
Good times.
I hear your cry. My kids love Velveeta and I forbid it in the house. But...nothing melts as smooth and creamy as that evil orange block.
Cream cheese actually does have some nutritive value. So go ahead and eat it with a Dorito or two and be assured the two at lease cancel each other out.
Cream cheese is technically dairy. And Doritos could be considered a grain...and I think there is tomato in the Dorito seasoing, too. And peppers, well, that's a vegetable, isn't it? Or maybe a fruit like that confusing old tomato, still, still, there's nutrition here woman, and don't you forget it!
JKB, I do indeed remember. I also fondly remember the chocolate that you soon sent to me and mine.
Tanjie and Peace Goddess, y'all are reaching for the nutritive justification and I love you for it.
I know what you mean. I have to think to myself If I keep eating this no man is going to want to stand inappropriately close to me again! I especially love the chips and I snacked so much over break. Its like have to detox.
I am with ya on the cream cheese sister. I could eat it every day on something. Or mulitple somethings. lol.
My younger sister is a Doritos addict too.
Her family had to do an intervention. It wasn't pretty...
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