Project Declutter

To begin, I will not attempt to plan the whole year at once. I will focus on one month at a time, with the plans being made on the first of each month. Here is the plan for de-cluttering my home, my health, my spirituality and my sanity for January.

Kitchen, one drawer and one cabinet at a time, starting today, January 1, 2010.
An ideal time to do this would be with my iPod in my ears, and lots of wine in my system, so the task will not overwhelm me so much.

I will spend time every morning with a quick chakra balance and a thank you to the Universe. I will observe the sabbats and esbats, even if only with a quick acknowledging prayer of just saying “Hi.”. I will consciously calm myself and keep a “just float downstream” attitude and not let myself get worked up about things over which I have no control. Spells, certain jewelry, colors and stones are positive focuses to aid me in this.

I will walk a minimum of 10 miles per week.

I will decrease the junk food and increase the raw vegetables, fruits, whole grains.

I will start now.

Getting our shit together in 2010

We have been married 16 years and have lived at Nestlewood for nearly 12 of those. Throw two kids and two careers in to the mix, and we have accumulated a heap of junk. Not all of this junk is physical clutter that can be thrown away or recycled. Some of the junk is mental and spiritual and financial.

Chris and I have decided to get rid of all the clutter in 2010.

To begin, we are de-cluttering our personal bad habits. I was exemplary with my eating and exercise habits from January to early November this year, then I fell off the wagon completely. The Doritos and Velveeta sneaked their way back in, and my couch relearned the shape of my ass while my walking shoes grew mold. Quoth the raven, Nevermore!

Spiritually, I have neglected my peaceful meditation and study. I am out of whack when this is the case, so, in 2010, this will no longer be the case.

Financially, we make more money now than we ever have in all the time we have been together, as we are both fully employed in "real jobs" but are in no better financial shape because of our poor money management. That is not going to be how we roll in 2010.

As for the physical clutter, we are going to take Nestlewood room by room and go through every cabinet, drawer and corner and get rid of the unnecessary. The weeds will be gone from the landscaping, the shed will be cleaned out and the garden will be an herb filled oasis once again.

The specific plans are made, and it shall be done. Oh yes. It shall be done.

Another from Work Toni to Home Toni

Dear Home Toni,
I did very well at lunch today dutifully ignoring the red velvet cake and deep fried chicken fingers available, instead choosing corn on the cob (with no butter) carrots, mashed potatoes, and white beans, with skim milk and a multivitamin to wash it all down I even took a lunch break 3/4 mile stroll!

I'm thinking since we managed to walk 17 miles last week and felt fabulous, we should do 20 miles this week. This is certainly attainable, since the mornings and evenings are cool.

Now, we have to come to Jesus. Lay off the chips. This is non negotiable. You can exercise like a demon and still not be healthy if you gorge on Doritos 3 or 4 times per week. Switch to Baked Scoops with salsa for your fix. You can even eat them for supper.

PS, please order the kids' Halloween costumes so that they will come in the mail on time.

Work Toni's quick message to Home Toni

Dear Home Toni,

By the time you read this I will have righteously walked 2 miles, worked abs, arms, and inner and outer thighs.

Please make a note that I need contact solution here at work. I also need some healthy snacks and some milk to keep me away from the vending machines. Q tips would be nice as well.

Sincerely,
Work Toni

Just Call Me Sybil

Work Toni (Toni is my real name in case you didn't know that) and Home Toni are one person, but also two distinct people.

Work Toni is pimped out. She dresses like all eyes are on her. She has 'da make-up and she has 'da jewelry. She has 'da good clothes. She is professional and earns the hospital hundreds of thousands of dollars per year with her accurate coding.

Home Toni is always in her jammies. She never wears makeup and her hair is twisted up and out of her way. The only jewelry Home Toni ever wears is her wedding ring.

Work Toni (from her work email) sends Home Toni (to her home email) personal trainer messages. Here is the most recent:

Dear Home Toni,

You know that I dearly love you. But you have really sucked ass through a straw with your exercise this week. You have to walk 8 miles by Sunday night. You also have to use free weights to work your arms.

Here’s what you can do: Free weights on Friday night, two miles on Saturday morning and two miles on Saturday evening. This must be repeated on Sunday. Please be aware that this is non negotiable.

Sincerely,
Work Toni

Home Toni is Work Toni's bitch.

Stuff and Fluff

I love my job! I'm still learning the ropes, but feel I will have it all down in a couple of weeks. Today I did 8 outpatient surgery and 15 Inpatient charts. That's quite an improvement over my first day's grand total of 2! My codes aren't as perfect as I would like for them to be, but since 80% of what I encounter in these charts is new material for me, I just need to cut myself a little slack. Sure I know how to code. But do I know how to get to a lithotripsy code when the doctor doesn't actually call the procedure lithotripsy, even though that's what it is? Well, yes, I do now. But I didn't when I first read through the chart. Sometimes I think my brain is going to leak right out of my ears, overflowing with all this new information.

I have solved my sedentary problem. It only costs me $20 per month, deducted from my check as the facility is affiliated with the hospital where I work. Everything a body could want in a gym is right across the road from my little cubicle.

We leave for Washington D.C. on the 3rd and will be back on the 10th. DC is going to rock on the 4th of July!

A Pimped Out Piece of Toast

A pimped out piece of toast is what I have for breakfast and supper. Whole wheat toast, mustard, light laughing cow cheese, smoked turkey, fresh basil, tomato, a sprinkle of Parmesan and crushed red pepper. I am trying to lose the puff that I gained the last year or so. I'll be honest; I have been hungry since January, and I don't see any difference in the mirror. The scales tell me that I have lost nearly 20 pounds since then, but my eyes don't see it.

On one hand, I don't want to lose more because I have such rockin' boobs. On the other, I want to again be a mere wisp of a woman.

I don't think I would have a problem with my weight if I knew I was doing everything I could to be healthy. The thing is, I eat right, but don't exercise, and I sit on my ass 40-50 hours per week at my job. Bone density, muscle mass, target heart rate and all that...

But the heat index today was 110! The humidity is 89%!!! The last thing I want to do is make myself sweat even more!

Chanti-dazzled

Sweet Bruhver is a soprano in a Grammy award winning ensemble. You have to understand, this group has been The Pinnacle of Perfections to me and to Chris long before Sweet Bruhver joined it. We had been to three of their concerts and had every CD they ever recorded.

They did a concert in our area Sunday night. Not only did we get to see Sweet Bruhver sing with them while they rocked our world, we got to go to an intimate reception with the group afterward. After that, Chris and I went to their hotel to hang with them until the wee small hours of the morning.

It was surreal.

How old?

I was in the grocery store line and the cashier and the bagger were talking about guessing people's ages. The cashier was perhaps 20, and the bagger told me her age before I had a chance to guess it :47. Then she guessed my age; she said 47 and she was serious. I was even wearing makeup!

Karma SO needs to bite her ass for that.

Pissy pissy pissy and the cure for what ails me

OOoooo, I was feeling so mean yesterday afternoon. When Chris got up, I went and curled up in the bed in the hopes that I would sleep the meanness off. I couldn't go to sleep, so I decided to drive to town, so as not to take out anything on my family. I knew it was just hormonal, and no one's fault, after all. When I am pissy, I need Thrash Rock and Metal so loud that it makes my bones vibrate. So on the way to town I listened to Marilyn Manson, Black Sabbath, ACDC, etc...and tried to breathe out my irritation. I called Drew and started the conversation by telling her how grouchy I was and she jumped right in there with me about how all she wanted in the world was a White Russian, but she didn't have any vodka or Kahlua AND that she had a headache. I already felt better, just talking to her for a minute. Then I called Cameron and she said she was feeling homicidal too and proceeded to cuss the air blue.

Girlfriends make everything better.

A Clairvoyant Dog

This is Pebbles and she owns me. If I am on the couch, reading or sewing, she is nestled against my hip. If I am sleeping, she is curled up against me in the bed. If I am tapping away at the computer, I am sitting criss-cross applesauce style and she is in my lap. If I want to take a walk, I am S.O.L. if I think I can go without her.

All I have to do is think about going for a walk and she will awaken from a deep slumber and look at me with those M&M eyes. Then she will start to scratch and whine and walk in place so that I will know that she wants to go too. How does she know what I'm thinking?

I Have an Ear Worm

The Laverne and Shirley theme song has been in my head since last night. I've always heard if you listen to the earworm song from start to finish, it will miraculously vanish. I can verify that this is not true.

January, in Review

I stole this idea from Casey. Rather than wait until the end of the year to make assessments on how we are doing on living the life we want to live, let's take inventory once a month.

In January, I did many more things that made me happy. I read more, I stitched more (2 Celtic knots in January), I exercised more, and I feel like I was a great mom. I only bought one block of Velveeta, which is quite an improvement, and I stayed far far away from Doritos. That isn't to say that I did not indulge in crunchy stuff dipped in creamy stuff. It is only to say that I did not OVER indulge in crunchy stuff dipped in creamy stuff.

I worked at the hospital a very reasonable amount (I heart PRN) yet was able to be home when the kids were sick, needing Mama pampering. I did lots of cooking and Chris spoiling too, which makes me happy.

For February, I vow to get our taxes done (H&R Block will do ours for $49 because I was a college student in 2008)walk 10 miles a week and put in that damned Body Boot Camp DVD that I bought the first week of January. And, if I am a very good girl, I will move my puff along with the DVD, and not just watch it and think ugly thoughts about the tight bodied bitches on the screen in front of me.

Hyper Children Need Mary Poppins

Lina and Huck were practically jumping on the bed at lights out yestereve. Their giggleboxes were turned upside down, so I decided to go with it and crack them up by singing this song to them.

I even mimicked the inflections, facial expressions and final consonants that Ms. Andrews evokes so eloquently.

There Really Was A Wolf This Time (Subtitled: I am a mean mama)

Huck is my darling boy, Myn Lyking,my dear sonne, myn sweeting, but I know him very well. He is manipulative and feels that all is fair in Sickness and Faking. Pardon me if I don't believe him every time he says he's sick.

He will cry and act like he's at death's very door. I have learned to stand beside him the entire time his temp is being taken because I once caught him holding the thermometer against a light bulb. He will claim that there is pain in every cell in his body. He has actually mixed up a concoction of chocolate milk and oatmeal and poured it into the toilet to try to convince me that he hurled.

Believe it or not, he enjoys school, makes excellent grades and is well adjusted, but he will cheerfully swallow a flaming sword if he thinks it will cop him a day at home on the couch watching Spongebob and eating snacks. When I saw his Oscar worthy performance Wednesday evening, complete with tears and limping, I said ( and you have to imagine my Alabama accent with this) "I'll tell you what. I'll send your butt to school pukin' rather than listen to you whine this way."

Well, I didn't send his butt to school pukin', because he woke me up at 4am doing exactly that. I kept him home again today and took him to the doctor. Turns out, he has strep.

Does that turn me into a regretful, guilty mama? No sir! I proceeded to tell him the story of the Little Boy Who Cried Wolf and explain that the reason that I didn't believe that he was sick is because he fakes it. And, yes, I did this on the way home from the doctor, just after his diagnosis.

Of course, when we got home, I completely pampered him and held him in my lap and murmured many "poor baby"s, which probably cancels out my earlier stern demeanor.

If I am Defined by My Preferred Way of Eating, then I'm Fast Cheap and Easy

On this, the 16th day of being on the Nutrition Wagon, I slipped. It wasn't a complete fall, because I am still on the wagon, but I slipped to the edge of it anyway.

This morning, Chris described something to me that a nurse had brought to work to share. I'm sure she felt she was being quite the friendly co-worker, but I think she must be one of satan's handmaidens. Listen to this: Heat up a can of chili. Sprinkle some shredded cheese on it, then heat it a little more. Pour that over Fritos and add a scoop of sour cream.

Fast, Cheap and Easy AND Crunchy stuff and Creamy stuff with Hot Sauce! I think I need to say the Serenity Prayer now, and accept the things I cannot change, change the things I can and have the wisdom to know the difference.

So, yes, I slipped off the wagon and ate some of satan's manna. But I only had one little tea saucer of chili and cheese and sour cream, and only enough Fritos to scoop it all up. Well, okay, and then I licked the saucer. And maybe I had a Frito or two to cleanse the palate. But I am still riding the wagon, even if I'm only hanging off the tail end of it by my fingertips.

Get Thee Behind Me!

There are certain things that are just not safe in my presence.

1. Velveeta. The fact is, if Velveeta is around, I am going to melt it and dip something crunchy in it. I will do this until all Velveeta and all crunchies are gone. I will also cook macaroni noodles and mix them with melted Velveeta, and then top the concoction off with Parmesan cheese and crushed red pepper. I will probably do this in the middle of the night when no one can catch me.

2. Doritos. These are the Crunchies Moste E-ville, as they suck all my will and I am powerless against them. When Doritos are in the privacy of my own home, they can most often be found smothered in Velveeta that has been melted and topped with jalapenos.

3. Cream Cheese. I will soften cream cheese and smear it on anything that will sit still. I especially love to dip Doritos in softened cream cheese, but I have been known to eat cream cheese by the bite, much like one would a candy bar.

None of these give me any nutrition, so I resolved not to keep them in the house, as they are much stronger than I. The temptation is powerful, though. They call my name when I'm at the grocery store, but I cover my ears and sing "Yankee Doodle" to drown out their siren's song.

Torn Between Two Lovers

I am too old for this shit. Edward and Jacob. Jacob and Edward. I swear they are all I think about! I'm reading Eclipse for the second time because of the way these characters are written in this story. Yes, I tend to get completely obsessed with fictional characters and never feel weird about it. Fictional characters are a huge part of my life, as I devour fiction books like most folks devour a hearty meal.

But the Harry Potter books don't make me feel like a perv, because the only character I was ever hot for was Sirius Black. It's fine for me to want Roarke from JD Robb's In Death series, because he is a grownup. Jamie, from the Outlander series is fine too, as he starts out at age 23 in the first book and is in his 50s in the most recent tome.

But Jacob is 16 or 17! Edward is over 100 and in the body of a 17 year old. It's icky for me to feel this way about them. I actually had a sex dream a couple of nights ago when I was doing both of them at once. Edward was all cool and controlled and Jacob was unabashedly enthusiastic.

Chris just laughs his head off when I tell him these things and threatens to make me register as a sex offender.